Black Friday: A How To Guide


Photo from Creative Commons via Petr Kratochvil

Morgan Paulson, Reporter

Annually, Black Friday draws both seasoned shoppers and newcomers, eager to snag the best deals of the year. For those new to the Black Friday experience, the journey might seem daunting, but fear not! With some preparation and strategy, you can secure those 50% off deals while avoiding any confrontations with “Karens.”

Your Black Friday preparation should ideally start in January, but if you’re starting now, don’t worry. Engaging in regular exercises is crucial, as shopping requires various movements that your body might not be accustomed to. Focus on shopper squats, top-shelf calf raises, purchaser push-ups, and buyer bicep curls to build the necessary strength and agility for navigating the stores and carrying your finds. Practicing sprints will help you make a beeline for the deals as soon as the doors open. These exercises are essential to getting in shape for the Black Friday routine.

“I’ve never worked out for Black Friday, but I will now!” remarked Abby Volk, a senior and Black Friday novice.

Thanksgiving, the day before Black Friday, plays a vital role in your preparation. Enjoy a Thanksgiving meal early enough to allow the high-protein and high-carbohydrate content to induce a restful sleep, ensuring you wake up early. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pie, and rolls are all ideal choices for this meal. After the meal, find a quiet, dark room to take a nap, but don’t forget to set an alarm to avoid oversleeping, a common pitfall.

“I thought I set my alarm, but my phone must’ve died,” confessed Jade Homewood, another senior and Black Friday newcomer.

The real excitement begins at 2:00 a.m. on Friday, giving you enough time to get ready and beat the traffic to arrive at your desired store, like the beloved Kohl’s, which opens at 5. Put your workout skills to use as you sprint in to secure the items you want before others, including the infamous “Karens,” can grab them. Once you’ve conquered Kohl’s, you’re free to explore other stores and continue your shopping spree.

“My mom, Karen, was the Karen, and I was the teenage daughter. I’m so sorry to anyone who lost a finger in the brutal battle that is Black Friday,” shared Homewood, reflecting on her own experience.

By following these steps, you’re well on your way to having a successful Black Friday. If your first attempt isn’t as fruitful, don’t worry; you can start preparing again in January. Good luck, and stay safe during your shopping adventure!